Be Honest With Yourself First: On Finding Work That Fulfils

The people I've been working with recently and the nature of their stories have formed a particular theme...

Truth and honestly - with yourself.

With yourself first because if we can't be true to ourselves, how can we bring our best? How can we achieve anything meaningful, fulfilling or sustainable?

It is selfishness in the truest and righteous sense of the word.

You see, we are schooled from our earliest days that whatever happiness looks like, its source is to be found in the world and in other people. The implicit message is that you must sacrifice who you are for an external ideal. There's a job somewhere, a career, a college degree, or a relationship that will fill the void.

There isn't.

Nothing and no other person in the world will provide the permanent fulfilment we are seeking.

Aristotle said, the pursuit of the good life is virtuous, and is to be found in the doing of things that are worthwhile in and of themselves without ulterior motive. Ulterior motive in this sense, is the extrinsic ideal or material gain.

Self Determination Theory supports the Aristotelian position. It has found in decades of research that the strongest form of motivation is intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation moves from inside rather than outside. There's no promise of reward and no threat of punishment in this. We do the thing we do because we are energised and curious.

There's no sense of obligation and no pressure to perform. We are honest, sincere, and most importantly, we are true to our own intrinsic drives and highest values.

I was working with an entrepreneur recently who had a difficult exit from a company he co-founded. His investors ousted him and took everything. Understandably, he was wounded and he was trying to find his place in the world.

In our sessions, it became clear that he felt that he wasn't tough enough to succeed. He needed to be something other than what he was. To be successful, you've got to be a hard bastard.

We spent the rest of our time together trying to unravel that idea and align himself with who he truly is. A cliché, yes, but it's what all of us must do if we want to lead and happy and meaningful life.

To hold an idea of what it takes to succeed while being and feeling yourself to be something other that that, is like driving a car with one foot on the accelerator and the other foot on the brake.

So if you are at a crossroads, get back to yourself. Stop thinking, and start doing whatever it is that lights you up.

I've been missing for a while... immersed in a different kind of work and I've been loving it. Engrossed, curious, inquisitive, hungry for knowledge and information.

But I'm also deeply interested in people and what makes us tick, and I need to return to this work. So over the next few weeks and months, you will hear from me more regularly.

I'll be writing on the human condition, and insights I have gained from working with people one to one. I really value the work for myself and for what I can learn and share with you all.

This stuff is universal and fundamental. I hope you stick around

Hit reply and any let me know how it's going

Slán for now... Larry